Pursuit of Identity & Purpose

After moving abroad, the first three years felt like a rollercoaster — full of ups and downs, restlessly chasing my place while trying to settle in a new environment. Days, weeks, and months passed in joy and doubt. I enjoyed the novelty of my new environment as if I were a tourist, but I kept asking myself why I made this decision. And the answer remained the same every time: I moved because of my family and because we wanted to give living abroad a try, through new experiences, learnings, and self-improvement. I kept repeating it as a mantra: it was a good choice and my aim was to support my family. But I was impatient to see the benefits on my own life. I was not able to fully enjoy it. My family and friends urged me to see the bright side of my achievements:

“You got a job.” they said. “But I lost that job.” I argued. “You passed a German language exam.” “But I still don’t dare to speak with natives.” “You’ve made new friends.” “But I miss my old ones.” “You established your German business.” “But I do not have enough clients yet.”

Loops - Oktoberfest, Munich

I could continue this list forever… until one morning, when I woke up with a strong need to stop it and to get out of this spiral. So I started to seek the answer to a more fundamental question: Who am I in this new life? Who am I becoming through this transformation?  I reached deep layers of myself, desperately searching for the right definition of my identity. And in the end, the question became as simple as: Who am I?

I spent months exploring my roots, trying to understand my ancestors and the transgenerational patterns that have shaped me. Long conversations with my friends in Munich and with my sister helped me reconnect with my past — my Eastern European childhood and the main choices that became milestones of my life.

Trees and Roots - Kupferbachtal, Bavaria

The result? I finally began to see the uniqueness of my identity and to value its special blend — all the elements that define who I am now. I could see myself as a lucky, competent expert who built a successful professional life in the comfort of her homeland. But I also saw myself as an expat in Germany, in transition from a predictable and stable professional life. The one who finally knows who she is, yet discovering what to do with that.

And then an even more important question emerged from the background: So what? And where to next?

 I suddenly felt like Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean, frustrated and shaking his magic compass — opening and closing it again and again, trying to find the right direction to steer the Black Pearl. He thought the compass was broken. But it wasn’t. It didn’t work because he was missing something crucial: a genuine, instinctive purpose.

I understood that the compass only shows direction when its owner has a heart-driven goal.

Self-discovery - Kirchseeon, Eglhartinger Forst

I realized I didn’t have my goal either. I already knew what I didn’t want — nothing like my first job in Germany, nothing like some of my trial-and-error collaborations in Munich. Just the opposite of those. Something I had fully experienced before moving abroad — yet couldn’t clearly picture how it would look here.

So now, I close my eyes and picture myself fulfilled in Munich and making an impact. I see myself living my purpose in a role where I can be myself, where my expertise is valued, and where my style and personality belong in a supportive, collaborative team.

I know I have unique blend of expertise and a distinctive working style. I am an economist with business acumen, and a professional who works with the beauty and complexity of human nature. I am a consultant, coach, and therapist who asks questions — sometimes painful ones. I’m not there to be nice and cautious – my role is to challenge the status quo.

I am a catalyst — guiding organizations and people to transform, supported by my straightness, intensity, polarities, imperfection, and unconditional love.

Spicy heart - Harvest from Budapest, Hungary